Man's guide to flirting in the digital age i the gentlemanual


Flirting can be difficult all on its own, but flirting with someone digitally through a messaging tiện ích with photos and videos that disappear after a few seconds can be downright frustrating. Once synonymous with sexting, Snapchat has evolved into a stalwart in our app arsenal, leaving behind its reputation as a tool used strictly lớn send salacious snaps.

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Still, as with any digital social space, we want to lớn engage with our crushes, partners, or perhaps even strangers in flirtatious ways. The unspoken rules or standards of how exactly lớn execute and interpret those behaviors are malleable and can vary on different platforms.

Because Snapchat is so fleeting & encourages sharing in the moment as opposed khổng lồ crafted images that live on the internet forever, snapping can be a playful, creative way lớn get your flirt on.

How lớn flirt on Snapchat

1) Take the perfect selfie

Playboy sex columnist và comedian Bridget Phetasy knows how to take a perfect selfie, & she’s sent plenty of flirtatious photos.

Sending a selfie lớn someone is lượt thích saying “Hey, I look cute for you.” Snapchat’s camera and lenses are clutch for selfie-taking & you’re probably already sending your best photos khổng lồ the person you’re trying khổng lồ flirt with—but you might be doing it wrong.

Phetasy said that a crucial mistake people make when trying to take a selfie is they look at themselves instead of into the camera. It looks narcissistic if you’re looking at yourself in a mirror or very obviously at your phone screen, she said. The subject of an appropriate flirtatious selfie should be the person receiving it, not the one taking it.

“You’re taking a selfie for someone else,” she said in an interview with the Daily Dot. “It should look like someone else is taking it, not you. & try & keep the camera out of the shots.” lượt thích all good selfie-takers, Phetasy knows her best angles và said that a photo angled down is usually more flattering for women.


Photo by Bridget Phetasy

Flirtatious selfies can be seductive or playful, & if you are being more frisky than flirty, don’t reveal yourself all at once, she said, và be creative. & absolutely make sure your mirror is clean if it’s going to be in the photo.

Successful flirting isn’t all about what’s in the photo, either. A piece of advice from the woman who’s written a comprehensive guide to sexting? “Learn how to take photos with your non-dominant hand,” she said.


2) Send a private snap

Snapchat is unique in that it’s possible khổng lồ send people nội dung both personally & publicly through private snaps and public stories. Flirting via private chat is naturally more intimate, but because you don’t know who else is getting the particular snap, it can often be confusing.

Is this person actually flirting with me? 

If you are sending flirtatious snaps khổng lồ someone special, make it obvious in the snap that the nội dung was meant just for them, either through a caption or accompanying text chat—otherwise, they might think the photo you sent was also sent to other people in your contacts, thus placing them squarely in friend-zone territory.

Former Miss Ireland and lifestyle blogger Holly Carpenter published a helpful guide translating flirtatious snaps—what the caption says versus what the caption really means. And while they’re certainly not hard and fast rules for each và every snap, Carpenter humorously & helpfully shows how people can send and interpret flirty photos và videos without being totally obvious.

Photo by Holly Carpenter

For instance, you might send a snap that says “Just made this!” with a photo of tonight’s dinner. That actually means “I can cook, which is a desirable skill khổng lồ have in a partner!” and of course captioning a photo with “singles night!” alerts your love interest that you’re want lớn be exposed* available.

There is one rule that you should never, ever break, especially when flirting: Don’t be that person who snaps a snap privately & also adds it to lớn your Snapchat story. No one likes lớn be on the receiving end of a snap that they’ll see in your story later.

Drake is probably the kind of dude who sends you Snaps that he also put in his Snap story, just to make sure you saw them.

— Ella Cerón (
ellaceron) April 29, 2016

3) Flirting with stories

The ultimate Snapchat love story blossomed through the public feed of the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Snapchat. A female student saw a handsome guy in the library, and added a public message to lớn the university’s story, hoping somehow it would find its way to him.

Miraculously it did; & they commenced a playful back và forth that roped in the entire campus to lớn help the modern day Romeo and Juliet—Vikings fan hâm mộ and Mystery Girl—find each other.

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Though their relationship grew in an unusual way, stories can be used to lớn show your crush, và the rest of your audience, that you’re interested in that special someone.

If you’re close enough to the person you’re flirting with, địa chỉ something lớn your story that only they would understand, lượt thích an inside joke or a nod lớn a conversation you had earlier. You can also take Mystery Girl’s lead and showroom something to a public story, though there’s less of a chance your intended recipient will see it.

Private snaps are usually used for flirting on Snapchat, but posting on your story with encrypted messages could add some spice to your flirting game. It also might also draw in a new candidate, too.

4) Slide into the DMs

Pictures are great and all, but as long as you & your love interest have a streak going on, sending a private message can be equally effective. But when flirting with Chats, it’s important to keep a few rules in mind.

Do not use Chats as an alternative khung of texting. Chats are there for quick flirtatious messages, like “Oh, I like that” or “You aren’t too bad, I guess (wink face)”—not as a way to actually get to lớn know someone. When the conversation gets too long, be assertive and ask to lớn take the conversation khổng lồ a local coffee cửa hàng or bar.

5) Give them a ring

When the conversation turns from a flirty message to just an exchange of sexually coded emojis, it may be time lớn rethink your flirting approach. If meeting up in person is too big of a step for you, utilize the đoạn phim or phone chat feature on Snapchat.

Video calling your crush is a chill way of saying “hey, I want lớn see you” without being too forward about it. Make sure that you are not ringing them up just khổng lồ talk about your day; think of a way to lớn surprise or compliment them. Maybe you’ll even feel bold enough khổng lồ ask for a sneak peek of some skin.

Some people may still think a đoạn clip chat is too forward, but as long as you feel the situation out and have clever flirting points lined up, your confidence should put any weary feelings to lớn rest.


6) Utilize creative tools

Snapchat offers an array of creative tools in the Toolkit that can turn a boring snap into a flirtatious masterpiece. The Toolkit can be found on the left side of your trang chủ screen, with the option to địa chỉ cửa hàng stickers, draw, change your voice, & customize your snaps to a specific time so your crush is forced to lớn look at your face for infinity.


If you’re the obsessive type, Snapchat Maps lets you zoom out và see where your friends are across the world if they have the feature turned on in public. This way, you can spot your crush & see what they are doing, and possibly with who.

However, it’s probably not advised to lớn say “I see you’re chilling at your house, can I come join you?” unless you’re confident your crush is into that. Then, by all means, go for it.

7) Quiz each other


Conversations become stale at times, & that’s OK. Showroom some fun & stimulation into the conversation by utilizing the vast array of material on Snapchat Discover.

Many publications và brands have their own company-focused story that highlights pop-culture events, celebrity gossip, fun facts, and lots of internet lingo. All you bởi is find a cool story that would keep you and your crush’s conversation going, swipe up và send it over.

Make sure it’s one that applies to lớn the current conversation, you don’t want to lớn send an animated story of two people kissing when all you know about the crush is what they ate for brunch.

8) Less is more

Don’t send multiple snaps of nội dung your crush wouldn’t relate to. If you went lớn a concert & you send them five videos of you sensually singing along to lớn an unknown artist, expect that they might not have anything lớn say in response. Besides, spamming isn’t flirting, it’s just being annoying.

Instead, find what you have in common và use that as a crutch when the timing is right. (Save the spam videos & niche content for when you’ve already snagged your crush for real.)


9) General tips

Snapchat tells people when someone takes a screenshot of snaps. & because the whole point of Snapchat is that communication is fleeting, screenshotting can feel like a violation of a social contract, and it could turn off the person you’re communicating with. If you want lớn see a photo for more than 10 seconds, and you feel like the relationship has reached a level of appropriate comfort—then ask for one.

No one wants an unsolicited dick pic. No one. Don’t vì it. I promise, no matter how good you think you look, sending one without being asked is inappropriate và unwanted.

Phetasy also notes that with Snapchat flirting—and sexting in general—you shouldn’t mô tả something with someone via digital services that you wouldn’t want khổng lồ be exposed to other people.

You should also recognize & understand boundaries. Flirting in person is often unwanted, và the same extends to lớn Snapchat. If someone tells you they’re not interested, respect that decision.

If seriously flirting just isn’t your thing, you might want to check out Bustle’s advice và stick to silly faces and selfie lenses. Ultimately, flirting on Snapchat should be fun & not stressful—if you’re overthinking your snap stories or stressing about whether your crush gets it, then try being more straightforward about your feelings. Rejection might last longer than 10 seconds, but at least you won’t be wasting any more of your time.

Looking for more help? kiểm tra out our guide for the best Snapchat hacks, tips, tricks, & secret functions. 

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Additional reporting by Kristen Hubby